Parents need to talk to their kids about this online danger right now
Parents typically prepare their children to encounter a variety of risks and dangers in life. Now online safety experts say caregivers need to urgently add another threat to that list: sextortion.
The problem isn’t new. Bad actors have long pressured teens into sending them sexually explicit imagery, then blackmailed them with it. But online safety experts say evolving tactics and tools, like deepfake software, have made it easier to ruthlessly go after teens for sextortion.
A number of victims have died by suicide after being targeted for financial sextortion by perpetrators in organized criminal groups originating from Nigeria or Cote d’Ivoire. Victims who thought they were talking to another teen were relentlessly pressured to pay the scammer money, or else they’d make the explicit picture public.
Melissa Stroebel, vice president of research and insights at Thorn, a nonprofit organization that builds technology to defend children from sexual abuse, urges parents to talk candidly and frequently to their children about how to stay safe as soon as they get online. This should include discussing sextortion in age-appropriate ways.
Unfortunately, Stroebel and other online safety experts say parents can’t rely alone on platforms to keep their children safe from sextortion. In fact, there are no guaranteed strategies to avoid becoming a target of sextortion.
Even if a teen encounters a predator or scammer but declines to send an explicit image of themselves, the perpetrator can steal a photo from their social media account and create an explicit deepfake of the victim, then threaten to send it to everyone they know. But Stroebel says there are ways to reduce the risk of sextortion and defend yourself if it happens.
“These are hard conversations to start…they feel a little bit uncomfortable, for a lot of different reasons,” Stroebel says. “The reality is, we have to have those conversations way before the moment arises.”
Discussions should be judgment-free and focus on red flags rather than unrealistic expectations of a child’s online behavior, Stroebel says. Additionally, they should help a young person know how to respond if they’re extorted, and feel confident they can tell their parent or another trusted adult.
How to talk to kids about sextortion
It’s not easy for parents to imagine their child taking an explicit picture of themselves, then giving it to a stranger online. But Stroebel wants parents to understand that while it’s important to honestly discuss the risks of sharing nudes, many tweens and teens do so, even if they’ve been warned more than once about it.
Young people online also aren’t as skeptical of unknown users, particularly if they can see an account is connected to a friend or peer, according to Thorn’s research. In their minds, a so-called stranger could quickly become a friend if they share the same interests and online contacts. In other words, lecturing them about “stranger danger” may likely feel out of touch or irrelevant.
Stroebel says that bad actors and predators may use fake accounts featuring a teen user to help gain a victim’s trust. They take advantage of young people’s openness and curiosity through flirtatious comments and direct messaging. It’s not long before the bad actor sends their own alleged explicit photo or video and asks for one in exchange, or just requests one.
Parents shouldn’t use shame to discourage their child from engaging in online conversations or image-sharing. Instead, they should suspend judgment while explaining the risks of trusting anyone online.
Stroebel adds that ongoing discussions about sextortion should let children know that “even if they did something that maybe we told them not to do, they feel confident that their best option is to come to us, rather than trying to handle these events on their own.”
How common is sextortion?
In an effort to stop sextortion scams, Meta recently announced that it had removed 63,000 Instagram accounts in Nigeria that attempted to financially extort victims. The scams were highly coordinated and relied partly on thousands of since-removed Facebook assets, like accounts, pages, and groups, that sold scripts and guides for how to scam people using collections of photos to populate fake accounts.
But international criminal groups aren’t alone in their efforts to manipulate and trick young people online. Sex offenders and predators, who are primarily interested in collecting and distributing child sexual abuse material, extort youth as well. Sextortion threats can also come from someone the victim knows in person, including acquaintances, romantic partners, and exes.
A 2018 survey of middle and high school students estimated that 5 percent of respondents experienced sextortion prior to adulthood. That figure may be higher today. In 2023, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children received nearly 27,000 reports of financial sextortion, more than double the number in 2022.
While sextortion has historically affected girls and young women, boys and young men are increasingly targets of financial sextortion, according a recent Thorn report.
How to respond to sextortion
Parents should help their child develop a plan to anticipate and respond to a sextortion attempt, Stroebel says.
First, if they’ve been talking to an online contact they’ve never met in person, they shouldn’t trust they’re authentically a “friend of a friend” just because they they seem to be connected online. Instead, they should talk to the person they know in real life to learn more about how the new contact is connected and how long their friend has known them. If the trusted contact hasn’t actually met the individual, it’s very possible the account is fraudulent or has malicious intentions.
Stroebel notes that asking to speak directly to the individual, on a phone or video call, isn’t a surefire way to verify their identity, either. She says that bad actors increasingly use a variety of technical tools to conceal their true identity.
Jared Barnhart, customer experience team lead for the digital investigative firm Cellebrite, recommends young users take a “zero trust” approach to encounters that feel off, or make a young person feel uncomfortable. Don’t engage further with the individual in those circumstances.
Parents should help children understand that if they’re extorted, the perpetrator may have a script designed to terrify them. This can include threatening to make the imagery go viral, appear on the news, and simply ruin the child’s life.
These interactions are designed to be high-pressure, never giving the child a moment to stop, ask for help, or think of alternative solutions, Stroebel says.
That’s why they need a list of exit strategies in advance, she adds. In addition to telling a trusted adult immediately if anything like this happens, this can include reporting sextortion to the platform on which it’s occurring; blocking and/or reporting the individual; and contacting a hotline like 1-800-THELOST for help with sextortion. Thorn has a list of these and other critical steps on its website.
As much as a teen might want to delete the conversation and imagery, Barnhart says it’s important to keep everything for a law enforcement investigation. The digital files can contain information that may identify the perpetrator, or details about them.
Barnhart recommends reporting sextortion to NCMEC’s CyberTipline and to local law enforcement. While the authorities’ response depends on their resources and training, Barnhart says that some local agencies are prepared to investigate sextortion cases.
While some parents might perceive the threat of sextortion as minimal compared to everyday risks like getting into a car, they should still prepare their child for the possibility.
“[Bad actors] can spend their entire workday essentially trolling the internet looking for your kid,” Barnhart says. “It only takes them choosing your kid… and now your child is the victim. There’s not an easy way to avoid it.”
If you are a child being sexually exploited online, or you know a child who is being sexually exploited online, or you witnessed exploitation of a child occur online, you can report it to the CyberTipline, which is operated by the National Center for Missing Exploited & Children. Or ask for help directly at contactgethelp@ncmec.org or 1-800-THE-LOST. For those located outside of the U.S., use the InHope hotline directory to find your local hotline.
